You're the one (who turned my life upside down)
by alexfckingvause
Summary: Lexa,known as Heda, is 17 Polis High Schools udents fear and love her.Every girl wants to be like her or to be fucked by her, since she's dating Costia, girls don't get fucked by far as Costia knows Clarke,friends call her Princess,turned 22 and is assigned to Polis High School as a Teacher. She's happily engaged to Finn as far as she knows I suck at summaries
1. 1 Going to High School Again (C)

AN: Hey Guys : ) This is a Clexa FanFiction with other ships. It will be a slow burn, but I hope you enjoy it.. Let me know what you think.  
POV will change from Chapter to Chapter.  
May we meet again ! (I'm from Germany so there will be mistakes :D I hope you don't mind too much) 

* * *

**1\. Going to High School... Again (C)**

„Clarke I swear if you don't calm down I'll be right over and hit you with your dumb Shakespear guy books!" This is the way of Raven Reyes to help people calm – it doesn't help.

Clarke is still sitting on her bathroom floor, phone clung between her ear and shoulder, breathing heavily into it.

„I-I .. doo-on't … wanna go…" Talking is difficult. She is about to have a panic attack. She knows, but she can't help herself, she never can.

„Okay Clarke. Where is Finn? Should I call him? You know I will. No wait fuck off. I'm coming, just hold on and try to breath in and out and in and out, you know what I mean. Or don't you? Yeah yes you know."

She wants to laugh, but she can't. Raven is just being Raven, a great friend who is a genius, but gets really clueless when people are feeling bad. They have known eachother since High School, after that went to college together. Clarkes other best friend is Octavia. Octavia is a little bit younger than Claven (Raven is 100% sure Claven would be their ship name if they were famous), but still is their best friend and drink buddy even if she isn't allowed to drink - legally…

 _Where's Finn?_ Clarke is trying to breathe and think normally, she remembers Finn getting out of bed to work, wishing her good luck and pressing a kiss to her forehead – like he always does.

Lifting herself up from the cold bathroom floor, Clarke stumbles into the kitchen. Heart beating fast into her chest.  
 _You got this Griffin, you've handled worse than this.  
_ She puts her phone done on the counter, pours herself a glass of water, takes a look at the clock and drinks some water.

„Griffin, are you still there? I'll be there in 2 minutes. Okay make it 4, I need a little bit to climb that stupid stairs or did you call the house administration yet about the broken elevator like I told you to do?" _  
_  
„Raven, I didn't." Her breathing is slowing down, finally, she can take one deep breath and relax a little bit.  
„Wow three words without stuttering, that's great! I'm such a genius at handling this shit." She can imagine Ravens self-impressed smile.

Clarke grumbles. There is only one person who loves Raven more than Clarke does – and it is Raven.

„Okay I'm right in front of you fancy apartment. See you soon, Princess!" Raven hangs up.

After unlocking the door Clarke sits down on their couch. Raven is right, she's living a fancy good life. Her apartment with Finn is huge and near the city, their having a great view over the Grounders Park, but also they have no trouble seeing the Ark Stadion.  
Both their parents are loaded with money, so they have no problem with giving some to their children.

The door opens and seconds later Raven flops next to Clarke releasing her out of her thoughts, putting one arm around her.  
„You know, you should call this janitor if you still want me to visit!"

Clarke lets out a snort and cuddles into Raven, she's definitely feeling better having someone right beside her.  
"I'm not quite sure why it almost happened. You know? I'm excited for this new job; I want to teach these teenagers something. I just had a bad feeling that something will happen and I won't have any control about it..."

"Like tripping over something and students putting it on Youtube? Because this would be a cool Raven thing." Clarke tries her best not to laugh, but she fails absolutely.

"Yeah Raven I remember you putting up that video of Ms Green and getting suspended from school for 2 days-" Her blue eyes are shining, her smile is almost without concern.

"Totally worth it.. So are you ready to leave soon? I can take you and pick you up later" Raven offers.

"No I'm totally fine driving myself. They didn't call me 'Space Race Girl' for fun." The blonde smirks.

"And we don't call you Princess for fun. Okay mostly we do, but you are such a little cute princess aren't you?" Raven says in a childlike voice while pinching Clarke's cheek.

"Okay you can leave now. Thanks for the comfort!" Clarke pushes Raven up from the couch, shoves her through the door and closes it behind her.

"SO THAT'S HOW YOU TREAT SOMEONE WHO JUST GAVE YOU ALL YOU NEEDED? GONNA REMIND THAT" Raven speaks extremely loud, so (hopefully) every neighbour hears it.

So there it is. Polis High School. Clarke is excited to be back, this place is filled with memories.  
She remembers kissing Finn for the first time behind the trees so nobody could see them.  
She remembers feeling butterflies while kissing him, when she kisses him now she doesn't feel butterflies – but that's normal, she tells herself.  
She remembers getting into a fight with Jasper about something really stupid, nevertheless she wanted to punch him, but Raven interrupted quickly.  
She remembers smoking her first joint behind the gym hall with Raven, Monty and Jasper. They nearly got caught, but somehow they managed to get away before Ms Green saw them.

Clarke snaps out of her thoughts by her phone. Four new messages.

 **Finn** (7:34am) – Hey princess. I'm proud that those students will call you Misses Collins one day. Text me as soon as you can. Good luck!

She responds quickly.

 **Clarke** (7:36am) – Hey Skywalker. Thanks! I'm going in now and meet Mister Kane. Love you.

 **Oisthebest** PowerPuffGirls: We're back bitches! At least Clarke is back at Polis. I miss that good old school. Clarke, kick some asses, but don't get fired.

 **Rayisevenbetter** PowerPuffGirls: O, you're not supposed to support Clarke in kicking her students. Clarke, don't kick some asses, just focus on everything but kicking asses okay?

 **Oisthebest** PowerPuffGirls: Clarke should kick asses, considering that this will make the students respect her. I heard there's this girl everybody loves and fears. Kick her ass. Gotta go. Text if you can.

 **Clarke** PowerPuffGirls: I'm sorry O but I won't kick any asses. I will report as fast as I can. Griffin Over.

Clarke turns off her phone, so nothing can go wrong. The walk through the school is familiar and soon she is in front of the principal's office. Marcus Kane was once Clarkes Art teacher.  
Before High School Clarke was 100% sure she would be a doctor like her mother, but Marcus Kane opened her heart to Art and suddenly she wanted to open hearts to Art as well.

She knocks on the door and hears a muffled sound from inside which sounds like "Come in". After taking a deep breath she opens the door and sees her former Art teacher sitting at a desk, working on some papers.  
When he looks up from his works a huge smile is plastered on his face.  
He quickly gets up and approaches Clarke.

"Wow look at you. You have become a woman!" He smiles softly at her.

Clarke smirks, "That is what happens after turning 21!" She couldn't hold back that one.

"Still the same cheeky girl I know." Marcus lets out a chuckle and moves back to sit down at his desk. "Please sit down. I have to tell some things that changed after you left Polis High School."

She sits down and she notices that Marcus Kane didn't change a lot through the past six years. He is wearing his beard and hairs slightly longer, a few grey hairs between his brown.

"So let's start with the most important thing first. This is your contract for the next year, you just have to sign here and you're a official teacher at Polis High School" He puts a sheet of paper in front of her. After reading roughly through it Clarke signs it and gives it right back to Marcus.

"We, the teachers, usually call each other by our first name, if that's okay with you?"

Clarke nods, "Yeah no problem." _I really don't mind calling Mister Kane Marcus, but calling Misses Green Indra is kind of weird._

"The rules haven't changed since you left. No kissing in the hallways is still a thing." He gives Clarke a wink and she feels her cheek slightly changing colours. She remembers making out with Finn between breaks and getting caught by Mister Kane.  
Marcus continues, "Also you should know that we have a student who gets called 'Heda', we have no idea what it means, but the students adore or fear her. Her real name is Lexa and if she respects you, the others also will. She is in your class after lunch break. Sometimes she's a handful, but she is very smart. You don't really have to worry about it. Just try to get along with her and everything will work out." He gives her an assuring smile.

"That's it? I'm quite excited to go, start working." Clarke responses.

"Yes that's it. Here are the keys to your classroom 214." He lays the keys in her hands. "Feel free to colour it, if you want"

A few students are in the hallways now, looking at Clarke like she has fallen from the sky.  
Walking through the halls she sees a lot of couples holding hands. _How to they keep it there?_  
She remembers sneaking out of class to have a little bit fun with Finn. They were horny all the lost in her thoughts she bumps into someone.  
"Oh I'm really sorry. I should have watched!" Clarke apologizes, when she looks up her eyes locks on Indra Green.

"It's is indeed true that you're now a teacher at Polis High School." Indra states coldly.  
Clarke straightens up, she isn't a student anymore and she isn't scared of Indra Green anymore – she tries to tell herself, because that woman is intimidating.  
"Yes Misses Green, I mean Indra, I'm the new Art and English Teacher", Clarke responds casually.

"Tell Octavia not to be late for kickboxing." And with that Indra leaves.

Indra is a sports teacher. Octavia and Indra have bonded over kickboxing.  
Even after Octavia has graduated Indra still trains her.  
Octavia calls her 'her mentor'.  
Raven and Clarke don't try to argue her anymore.

Making her way over to her classroom, Clarke hears a lot of students murmuring about "who dat blonde beauty is". Some boys shout hottie or sexy after hear, she tries to save those faces in her brain. With a little bit of luck they will have her as a teacher.

When she reaches her classroom she unlocks the door. She is just about to get in when a stern voice commands out "Shof op" and suddenly everything is quiet.  
She tries to localize the voice, but can't. So she lets it go and focuses back on her classroom.

The classroom is white and clean. Too white and too clean for Clarke. She decides she will paint the walls with some students.

Lunch break comes too soon for Clarke. Her first classes went very well and the students liked her so far.  
She wanted to get to know the students and managed to get a lot of information about Polis High School.  
Echo told her that there are different groups around Polis. For example Echo belongs to the Grounders. They are mostly kids who are athletes and live near Grounders Park.  
Then there are Arkers like Wick. They are all over mechanics and live around Ark Stadion.  
Roan is an Azgeda. They mostly live outside of town and are really into doing nothing, because they are rich. Roan's mother Nia is a politician.  
There are also a lot of other groups, which Clarke can't recall. She just knows that there were fights between the different groups until 'Heda' came along and united all of them. Now there aren't any fights anymore.

Clarke sits next to Bellamy Blake, whose Octavia older brother, a good friend and also a teacher at Polis. Clarke is quite relieved that she knows someone here except Indra and Marcus.

"How it is going Princess?" He asks while taking a big bite from his sandwich.

"Really good. Students are cool so far. But I have to admit that I'm nervous..."

Bellamy raises an eyebrow, "And why is that?"

"Everybody keeps talking about this Lexa girl and she happens to be on my class right after lunchbreak." Clarke lets out a sigh and eats a bit of her salad.

"Oh" Bellamy pads her back, "You don't have to be nervous. She's just another girl. Maybe she seems like a badass, but she only wants what is best for the students. If you don't harm anyone there shouldn't be a problem"

Clarke nods and changes the subject. They have a easy conversation over lunch, when the bell rings, Clarke can feel her stomach swirling.

 _Griffin you've got this._ She reassures herself..


	2. 2 Between Heda and Lexa (L)

Author's Note: So second Chapter. I'm working on Chapter 3, it should be up soon :)

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She wakes up to the smell of coffee. Costia sits at her desk, only dressed in a huge shirt and her underwear. Beside her are two mugs of coffees, Costia always wakes up before the alarm goes off and makes some coffee.

Lexa sits up, stretching herself. Costia hears that Lexa is waking up, turns around, having a smile on her face.  
"Good morning, Lexa", she gets up, sits down beside Lexa and presses her one mug in the hand.

"Morning, Costia", Lexa gives her a small kiss and leans back in bed, while sipping at her coffee.  
Costia knows that Lexa likes her coffee black, while Lexa knows that Costia likes her coffee extremely sweet. Four sugars, Lexa is sure that it is unhealthy, but Costia doesn't care.

"What time is it?" Lexa asks.

Costia responds, "Around 6 am. I'm sorry I woke you this early, but I couldn't sleep anymore."

Lexa lets out a groan. She hates waking up too early with nothing to do.  
They drink their coffee in silence, Costia is quite, because Lexa isn't a morning person. Lexa needs her coffee and a morning run to feel like herself.

When Lexa is done drinking her coffee, she gets up to put on her jogging bra and some shorts.  
Costia is watching her and can't help but get slightly aroused at seeing Lexas toned abs. She strides over to the brunette and puts her arms around her.

"Maybe you could skip the jogging and we could do some other kind of sports?" Costia whispers into Lexa ears while touching her stomach.

Lexa turns around and looks into Costia brown eyes. "Cos, I feel like taking a run. Later okay?"

Costia eyes sadden, still she pulls her hands away from her girlfriend.  
"Okay. I will mark your words", Costia gives Lexa a chaste kiss and lets her go.

Lexa runs down the stairs, when she notices Lincoln in the kitchen. Her older brother took care of Lexa and their younger brother Aden, after their mother died. Their father Gustus buried himself into work to avoid grieving for Alexandria Woods.

"Good morning, Lex." Only a few people are allowed to call her that, her brothers, her cousin Anya and her father. Even Costia isn't allowed to call her Lex.

"Morning Lincoln. I'm going for my run. Care to join?" Lexa grabs her running shoes and starts lacing them.  
"Nope, got to wake Aden soon and then I have to head to school myself. There's a new Arts teacher, I'm kind of excited to meet her." He turns around and tosses Lexa a bottle of water, Lexa catches it easily.  
Lincoln works as an Arts teacher at Polis High School. When he first was assigned to Polis High School it was a little bit weird for both of them, but Polis High School is kind of huge, so they don't get to see each other very often.

"Okay. Costia is upstairs."

"I'm aware." Lincoln smirks at Lexa. "The walls are thin, Lex."

Lexa chuckles and shrugs her shoulders, "Sorry, see you after school"

The communication between the Woods was always cut short, because they didn't need many words to disclose themselves. Something they have learned very early by watching the interactions between their parents.

The brunette runs to Grounders Park which isn't far away and it is beautiful. It is huge, but Lexa almost spent every day of her childhood there, so she knows her way around.

While jogging around she remembers the time when she was 8 years old and played football with Lincoln, he didn't catch the ball, instead it hit a beautiful brown skinned girl – Costia.  
She remembers catching her first proper look at Costia while apologizing.  
Black curly long hair and deep brown eyes.  
She remembers becoming friends with Costia and playing with her all the time at Grounders Park. Soon there were a lot of other kids who played along them.  
She remembers Costia starting to cry almost eight months ago, because she had fallen in love with Lexa and couldn't stand it anymore seeing how Lexa fucked every girl who was pretty enough.  
She remembers kissing Costia, asking her on a date, to figure out if they could make it as a couple, because Costia was her best friend and beautiful. Why shouldn't it?  
She remembers being in a relationship with Costia for 4 months when she first cheated on her with a girl from college.

Trying to get rid of her thoughts she's quicken her run.

With sweat all over body, Lexa opens the door to see Costia sitting at the kitchen counter. Immediately a smile is plastered on Costias face.

"Hey you. Go and take your shower, I'll make you some breakfast" She kisses Lexas cheek.

Sometimes Lexa remembers that she doesn't deserve Costias love, she can never love Costia like Costia loves her. But at least she can take care of her.

"You can join me." Lexa doesn't wait for a respond. It is more a command than a question and Costia always follows Lexa requests.

After turning on the water, she strips out of her clothes and hears soft footsteps coming closer.  
The second Costia enters the bathroom Lexa pushes her against the wall and kisses her.

Quickly Lexa hands lift Costias shirt over her head, leaving her only in a pink bra covering her small boobs and some pink briefs.  
Costia makes sure her remaining clothes follow swiftly.

Taking Costias hand, Lexa leads her into the shower to shove her seconds later against the cold wall, while hot water is running over both their bodies.  
Lexa doesn't want to waste any time, which is why she gets down on her knees and spreads Costias legs.  
Costias normally brown eyes are almost black, looking expectantly at Lexa.

Lexa slightly licks Costias clit, only to hear a moan escape Costias lips.  
She knows exactly what the brown eyed girl needs to climax fast.  
So she adds three fingers inside of Costia, while licking her clit in circles.  
She pumps her fingers hard and fast into Costia, sucking hard on her clit.  
Costias moaning grows, few seconds later she comes undone on Lexas hands.  
Immediately Lexa is there to steady and hold her, while she's catching her breath.

When they both are done with their shower, they get ready for school.  
Lexa dresses in skinny black jeans, a white shirt and a flannel loosely around her waist. Pretty much like always.  
She starts braiding her hair, when Costia puts her hands on Lexa shoulders.

"Let me braid it for you?" Costia asks softly.

Lexa sighs, "Cos... I will braid my hair myself. Like I do every morning."  
"You know, Lexa, I'm trying to help you. You have some massive problems with letting people in. We know each other for almost ten years and you never spoke to me about your mother." They have these kinds of conversations often. Things were much easier before they started dating.

"You know exactly that my mother used to braid my hair." Lexa just states coldly. "Please can we drop this and just get ready for school?"

"But we will talk about this." Costia presses a kiss to Lexas cheek – like she always does and leaves the bathroom.

When Lexa and Costia arrive at School together, they are quickly surrounded by other Grounders.  
Niylah immediately starts talking to Costia about some gossip, Lexa doesn't care about.

"How was the weekend, Lex?" Anya is right next to Lexa. The blonde is Lexas cousin and a very good friend of her. She spent most of the nights holding Lexa while she cried because of her mother.

"It was fine. Costia and I talked a lot about college, she wants to move in together, if we're both accepted to TonDC University." Lexa has thought a lot about college and never thought she would want to go to TonDC University. But they are going to offer her a pretty good scholarship, if she keeps her basketball play and does well at the SAT.

"Do you want to?" Anya watches her with a knowing look.

"I think it is a wise choice." Lexa takes a look over to Costia, who is excitedly talking to Niylah. She loves and cares for Costia, but she isn't in love with Costia. Heda cares for all of her people, Lexa cares for very few people.

"This is a choice you should make with your heart and not your head."

"Making decisions with the heart isn't a wise advice, Anya" She sighs. _Why is everyone so serious today?_ "Have you seen the new teacher? Lincoln told me about her and I want to be prepared." She hopes Anya will let it slide and hop onto their new conversation.

"Yes, I have seen her. She's young, probably around Lincoln ages." Anya responds, aware that Lexa just wanted to change the subject.

"What does she look like?"

"Just ask, Lexa." Anya knows Lexa cheats on Costia. But it isn't her part to tell Costia. It is her part to make sure Lexa feels guilty about it.

"Is she?" Lexa smirks.

"She's absolutely stunning. Her eyes are sky blue, some of the Arkers already call her 'Skygirl'. She got huge boobs and is a little bit smaller than me." She sees Lexa smirks only widen. "And she is a teacher and engaged. So snap out of it."

People are gossiping. Rumours about the new teacher are spread everywhere.

"Someone has found her Instagram, and guess what? She's is engaged to Finn Collins!"

"You have to be kidding right? He's like the hottest guy that ever went to Polis High School."

 _Girls._ Lexa thought. The name Finn Collins sounds familiar to her, however she can't remind why.

"Damn buddy. Her boobs are like this biiiiiiig. I hope she will wear some deep cut shirts all the time!"

"Shotgun! Let's bet that I will fuck her by the end of the month on her desk!"

"Yeah you wish, Murphy. As soon as she see's my abs, she wants to lay under me"

 _Enough is enough._ "Shof op", Lexas voice only raises slightly, but the daunting tone in her voice, immediately stops all conversations.

It is Murphy who looks at her first, getting a little bit paler, nevertheless he doesn't back up.  
Atom is wiser and steps a little bit away, when Lexa approaches them.

"Is this the way you talk about a woman?" Lexa glares at both of the boys.

"No, no I didn't mean anything I said." Atom face turns brightly red.

Murphy takes another step towards Lexa.  
"I did mean all of it."

At this Lexa raises her chin. People are watching them, they don't know what's going on, but when Heda raises her chin, it usually doesn't mean anything good.

"If this is the way you talk about a woman, you should consider stopping it. Either you're a brave enough to tell her or you show signs of lacking self-confidence"

Murphy gulps, Lexa is satisfied, but she knows better than to show.

When she is wants to turn around, a hand catches her wrist.  
Murphy fights back tears, "You fucked her. You fucked my girlfriend. How did you dare?"

Her anger rises. _How does he dare?_ She speaks through grit teeth. "No one is allowed to touch me."  
Her hand snatches his, squeezing it hard. He winces a little bit.  
"Do I make myself clear enough?" She adds more pressure and lets it go.

Behind her are Anya, Niylah and Costia watching she scene curiously.

"Follow me", Lexa commands them, she doesn't look Costia in the eyes, they will show how hurt the black haired girl is.

Lexa leaves Murphy stunned. Followed by the three girls; she makes her path through the crowd, who open a way for her without hesitation.

"He's an asshole"  
"Did she really sleep with Emori?"  
People muttering around her, but she doesn't seem to care. There will be a heavy conversation with Costia, she isn't looking forward to.

At lunch break she pulls out her smart phone. There are a lot of notifications.  
Letting out a sigh she starts to scroll through them.

 **Lincoln** (10:00am): What was going on with Murphy? I told you to stay away from him.

 **Lexa** (12:03 pm): He was insulting the new teacher. Something I do not tolerate. I didn't harm him, so don't worry ;)

Definitely Lincoln would give her a talk later.

 **Emori** (08:50am): Please believe me I didn't tell John. He happened to look through my phone and saw some messages. Let us meet later, I'll buy coffee. I'm sorry, Lexa.

 **Lexa** (12:04pm): I can't trust you anymore. Our deal is over.

She is just about to switch to the next message when there's a respond.

 **Emori** (12:05pm): Lexa, come on. You know how I feel about you.

 **Lexa** (12:05pm): I will reach out to you, when I'm sure Murphy won't have an eye on you anymore.

Lexa won't reach out. She is just scared that Emori will reach out to Costia.  
 **  
Niylah** Basketkru: Gonna be a little bit late for practice today. Have to talk to Mister Woods.

 **Ms. Green** Basketkru: Hurry please. In 10 days is our first game against the Mountain Women. I hope you are taking your individual training serious.

Other students found it weird that their Basketball Team had a group conversation with their Coach. But Lexa insisted on getting one, saying it was easier to communicate and everybody knew she was right, even Ms. Green.

 **Lexa** Basketkru: Victory stands on the back of sacrifice.

 **Ontari** Basketkru: *thumps up*

Lexa puts her phone away and makes her way to the football field, where Costia is waiting. Headphones plugged into her ears, tears rolling down her face.

Not trying to scare her Lexa walks up in front of her. She takes out one headphone and wipes away the tears.

"Tell me when." Costias voice struggles.

"We weren't official by then, Cos."

"I asked when."

"I don't recall. It was at a party after we won against the Mountain Women." Lexa half-lies, it was the first time she made Emori come. It happened a few times after again, but she doesn't want to hurt Costia more than necessary.

"So it was after I confessed my feelings for you?"

"Yes. It was"

"Who else, Lexa? I want to know. I can't go around anymore and figure out time after time."

"There's no need to argue about this again. I told you that you don't want to know." They had this conversation every other month. By accident Costia found out that Lexa had slept with someone before they dated and made a big deal out of it.  
The main reason Lexa doesn't want to tell Costia who she had slept with is simple.  
She slept with Luna and Ontari, Costias best friends besides Anya and her.  
Both knew that Costia was madly in love with Lexa, still they couldn't resist her.

Being 'Heda' and Captain of the Basketball team somehow made Lexa very attractive.

"Maybe I want to know. This is about my feelings. So tell me!" Costia insisted.

"Can we please drop it?" She doesn't want to do this. Luna and Ontari are good friends to Costia, except sleeping with Lexa.

Costia sobs, "We always 'drop' important discussions. You're lucky I have to meet with Luna. Come over to my place after practice okay? We will talk about it."  
Despite being hurt, Costia kisses Lexa cheeks (like she always does) and leaves.

Lexa sighs; she needs to talk to Anya.

 **Lexa** (12:32pm): Football field. Beja.

 **Anya** (12:33pm): Sha

After a couple of minutes, Anya sits down beside Lexa.

"With all the people you can fuck you chose to fuck Emori? Are you out of your mind?"  
Anya is mad at her.  
Anya is mad at Lexa for cheating and not telling Costia.  
Anya is mad at Lexa for playing Costia.

When they first started dating, Anya hoped for god sakes that Lexa changes for Costia. After Lexa slept with the college chick, Anya knew Lexa wouldn't.

Lexa left the apartment of the college chick and went straight to Anyas. She told her everything.  
That she tries her best to be in love with Costia, but she isn't.  
That she slept with someone else, because sleeping with Costia doesn't fulfil her.  
That she doesn't want to lose Costia because Costia means a lot to her.  
That Costia is family.

"I told Costia it happened once." _Like I always do._

"Did it?"

"No." Lexa feels guilty under the looks of Anya. She is disgusted by herself for fooling around. "We met a couple of times at hers. I didn't think Murphy would find out"

"But he did. Lexa, I disapprove you for cheating on Costia. But cheating on Costia with a girl who's in a relationship is a whole new level of fucked up."

Lexa buries her face in her hands. Anya, Lincoln and Aden are the only people who Lexa lets herself be vulnerable with.

Anya continues, "I hope you ended it with Emori?"

"Yes" Lexa groans out. "Costia wants to know who I slept with before we became official."

"Are you going to tell her you fucked her best friends?" Seeing Lexa like this isn't easy at all for Anya, but she can't show any pity for her. She has to let Lexa know how much she fucked up.

"I don't want to lie to Costia, but we agreed on not telling her. It was one time with both of them. We had a little bit too much to drink and one thing led to-"

"I know and I don't want to hear it again." Anya interrupts quickly. "If I were in your position I would tell Costia. Not about Luna and Ontari. You should tell her what you feel."

"I can't. She, more or less, made me choose, between dating her and having nothing to do with her anymore. I care about her. Losing her isn't an option." She feels her eyes start to tear up. The last time she cried was long ago.

"Then stop hurting her, Lex. She deserves better." Anya lets her hand caress Lexas back.

"I know I know." The bell rings and gets back into Heda mode.  
She is 'Heda', people trust her. Feelings won't distract her.

"Let's go and check out the new teacher." Lexa tries to smirk, but Anya only shakes her head.

* * *

Please tell me what you think so far! :) I'm really interested in your opinino so far.  
I know that Lexa is an asshole right now and you probably hate her, but just give her some time :P


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